It's been one of those months that sneaks up on me again. Time has passed, nothing has happened. Sometimes I can gauge my mental state retrospectively by looking at my music-listening history. There's not much there. Very little reading, either. Things have been a lot better this last year, but 'a lot better', on the great scale of wellbeing, is still in the 'technically not dead' band. Not that that I'm complaining! I'm incredibly glad that I've felt so much better this year. It's just that I'm still nowhere near 'functional human being' despite having come so far, and that's... just the way it is, I suppose. We can't all have any prospect of ever looking back on our lives and saying "yep, that was worth being born for". Some of us can look forward to looking back and saying "sometimes that didn't hurt much, if you don't count the fact that it was still hurting others". Poor old others. I am sincerely sorry, just so you know, for having shown up on this planet and met you all. In the event that I get to reincarnate as myself again with prior knowledge, I shall definitely inflict myself on somebody else.


It's possible that everything would look slightly better if I wasn't posting this at two in the morning on a mostly-empty digestive system after a day spent mostly either asleep or complaining that my legs seemed to have quit without notice.

"Tidying"

Aug. 1st, 2011 01:48 pm
Jeff and I were supposed to spend the weekend tidying the house. It's now more of a mess than it was before. Ok, it's the kind of mess that's supposed to happen in the middle of tidying: everything has been removed from the wrong place, and is now piled up in another wrong place, waiting to be moved to the right place. Still, it's messy and now the weather is too hot to do much about it. Stupid mess.

In theory, my part of the house will become tidy over the course of the week. There's no game and no psychotherapist, so I should have time. I even sort of have enthusiasm. Right now though, nothing is getting done. And even if anything does get done Jeff's at work all week, so the kitchen will still be exactly the same. I wish I lived on my own.

Apart from the non-existence of LJ and the disappointing performance on the tidying front last week was still pretty good, so maybe this week will be as well.

I had a larp anxiety dream last night. Haven't had one of those in a while. (A larp anxiety dream, I mean. Obviously I've had other kinds of anxiety dream.) Now I'm awake and not having any kind of anxiety dream, so that's something else to be pleased about.

I'm contemplating joining DougSoc next term. I might not actually be able to go to many things, but it would be nice to have the option. I may even go to boardgames this week. Mind you, I say that every week and I've never gone. Boardgames is scary. Oh well. I should really stay in and try to tidy more anyway.

Anyway, that's my thrilling life. How are you?

Life.

Aug. 1st, 2011 12:41 pm
Hello Dreamwidth.

New journal. Blank slate. It's inviting, yet daunting. I want to post something in it, but at the same time I don't want to spoil it with the sort of banal drivel that I inevitably post. I have the same problem with exercise books: I can't stand to sully a clean page with my handwriting. Hence why I have an entire drawer full of blank notebooks.

The plan is just to cross-post my LJ entries here, in order to have them preserved on a site that the Russian Mafia don't keep trying to destroy. It seems like a bit of a waste of a journal (and a name) but I'm sure I'll get used to it. I apologise in advance for... probably best to just apologise for everything I'm likely to post.

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Red Kite

September 2011

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